I’ll Let You Be the Judge of This E-Mailer’s Patriotism

December 15, 2004

I get nasty e-mails quite frequently as I’m sure most columnists do, but I thought I’d share this one because of his open admission of gleefulness when America suffers setbacks. Most aren’t this candid about it. The kind gentleman was referring to a recent column of mine and responding to it line by line. Look at his gracious comments:


>> Crime and punishment. Conservatives are hard-hearted toward criminals, favoring punishment over rehabilitation.

That’s why we have over 2,000,000 people in prison, more than any other country on the planet. Are we Americans then worse than others? No, but we are ruled by conservatives=fascists, hence the prisons. There’s money to be made on the

private prisons, big money for big investors, but more on that later.

>>Gun control. Right-wing Neanderthals are so hell-bent on indulging their redneck macho paranoia, they insist on stocking every room in their homes with Uzis, regardless of the potential danger to children and innocent, under-armed victims who might choose, because of unhappy childhoods, to burglarize their property.

That’s why this country has more murders and armed robberies than any civilized country. We pay a heavy price so that the “duck hunters” can have their ARM-15’s and AK-47’s.

>>Race. Conservatives are bigots.

>> The South went Republican as a consequence of civil rights legislation. In the South they may be ignorant, filthy, and dirt poor, but they pride themselves on “at least I ain’t a nigger.”

>>Homosexuality. Conservatives are unenlightened homophobes.

Unenlightened? That’s putting it mildly. Conservatives=fascists are hateful, spiteful, and mean as snakes towards anybody with different ideas of “morals,” which conservatives believe were ordained by “God.” It must be onerous to always have to “save civilization.” If anything proves the rotten, spiteful attitudes of the conservatives=fascists, it was the homophobic presidential campaign (shades of Willie Horton, in gay.)

>>Taxes. Conservatives are avaricious, selfish pigs for not wanting half of their income confiscated by a socialistic government and for maintaining the money is theirs in the first place.

I suppose you prefer the poor people living in the gutter and their children starving. Don’t you make enough money? Don’t you ever get enough? Remember, there but for the grace of God go you. You do not possess exceptional qualities that make you automatically deserving of a high income (at least, no such qualities have been apparent from your writings.)

>>Iraq. Bush/Cheney sent our soldiers to die for their political and financial gain.

Absolutely. The “mission” was “accomplished” when the gas prices went through the roof. Now the friends and financial supporters of Bush and Cheney can fill their pockets even more from what we have to pay at the pump, in addition to the Iraq contractor rip-off (Halliburton, Brown & Root, for example.) Or is that too cynical for you? Such things don’t happen? It is and has been happening every day in the war on drugs, which is a device to pump tax money to the “law-enforcement” sector using prisoners as a commodity. Just ask your brother who ought to be slightly more informed by now.

>>Social Security. Republicans want to partially privatize it as a sop to their filthy rich, capitalist buddies in the big brokerage houses.

Exactly. Wall Street is slavering to get its hands on all that delicious retirement money. What a party they would have, the brokers and the bankers. Then they will steal the money, just as Enron did, and Global Crossing, and Tyco, and all the other Wall Street criminals, all Bush’s friends and contributors. Surely, you can’t be completely ignorant of these events? You did hear about Enron, no? Remember, Social Security may not be necessary for obviously high-end individuals like yourself, but there are many more who need the government guarantee of support in old age. The privatization scheme is a device to lower people’s retirement benefits, and many (the least capitalism-savvy) will lose theirs altogether.

>>Environment. Conservatives want to poison the air and water because they care more about their evil polluting corporate allies than their own children’s health.

>> How about the Kyoto protocol that The Bush has refused to endorse? Disgraceful and shameful. How about the International Criminal Court that the U.S. refuses to countenance? Easy enough to understand, in view of the conduct of the U.S. military and the spy agencies who torture captives. Ach, the burdens of empire …

>>Abortion. Conservatives want to oppress women.

Exactly. Just like the nazis, American conservatives=fascists support the proposition of “Kinder, Küche, Kirche.”

I must confess that one of my most treasured memories from youth is the spectacle of the mad scramble of the U.S. military on that Saigon rooftop, frantically escaping in full panic. This big, bad, mean-as-a-snake country, with all the military hotshots and their “smart” bombs, and all the bloviators urging war at full throat had their faces rubbed in their own shit and were humbled and defeated by the persistent Vietnamese.

And what’s more, I long to see the United States be humiliated and defeated in Iraq by people who are referred to as “ragheads.” I love to see arrogant aggressors humbled and, as it seems the U.S. has forgotten the lessons of Vietnam and Somalia, it is in line for a reminder. There is an element of racism in every move the U.S. makes. Remember Somalia, the pomp and circumstance of The Yanks Are Coming? After all, they were only junglebunnies; they would be scared to death of the mighty U. S. of A. (A variant of “we will be met with flowers.”) And the Mighty Hulk got his toes torn off.

You see, Limbaugh, the trick is to choose your enemies carefully. As long as the U.S. kept its bullying to small, Central-American countries it could get away with murder. But a warrior culture will fight back, as did the Somalis, the Vietnamese, and now the Arabs. Rots of Ruck, piles of Ruck, to the U.S. government and military, and to you.